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LESSON 1
Defining the Family
Linda Poitras
“And I will bless them that bless thee, and curse him that curseth thee: and in thee shall all families of the earth be blessed”
(Genesis 12:3).
FOCUS
Webster’s Encyclopedic Dictionary of the English Language defines a family as:
1. A group consisting of parents and their children;
2. The children of two parents;
3. A group of people closely related by blood; or
4. A group consisting of individuals descended from a common ancestry.
The Revell Bible Dictionary defines the same term in almost the exact way as Webster’s:
1. The nuclear unit of a husband, wife, and their children;
2. A larger group of persons linked by common descent;
3. All those dependent on the head of a family.
It is really quite simple. Every person ever born, in any country of the world, is a member of some family. Every government in the world is based on the family unit, and every nation is only as strong as the families that call it home.
What I Have Learned
INTRODUCTION
God spoke to Abraham and promised to bless all the families of the earth because of his faithful obedience. We know that Abraham’s family produced the Saviour of the world. But Jesus came to the earth in the same way everyone does—He was part of a family.
Noah’s sons were sent out from the ark and told to be fruitful and multiply and replenish the earth. Shem, Ham, and Japheth obeyed and fathered every known civilization. From the beginning, the family has been the foundation of every nation. Every empire that has ever fallen did so because of the weakness of the families in it.
In his book Family and Civilization, written in 1947, Carl Zimmerman, a Harvard University professor who studies social trends, listed these characteristics found in every major world empire before its collapse:
· Marriage lost its sacredness;
· Alternative forms of marriage were allowed;
· Feminist movements flourished;
· Parenting became more difficult;
· Adultery was celebrated, not punished;
· Sexual perversions abounded, including bestiality (sex with animals), but especially incest (sex with close family members, such as father and daughter), and homosexuality (sex between two men or two women).
Unless we work together, the institution of the family will die. When it does, our nation and world will crumble.
BACK TO THE BASICS
Biologically, every child is part of a family unit where he should be accepted and needed. Everyone is related by blood to a family that he usually lives with—at least until he is old enough to take care of himself.
According to the article entitled, “Family,” from Compton’s Interactive Encyclopedia:
- The nuclear family includes any two or more persons related to one another by blood, marriage, or adoption and who share a common residence.
- When the unit includes a husband and wife, it is considered a conjugal family.
- The family of orientation is where most early childhood experiences and learning take place.
- When a couple marries, a new nuclear (and conjugal) family is formed, a family of procreation.
- In most societies, the extended family is the norm. This type goes beyond the nuclear family unit of parents and children to include relatives such as grandparents, aunts, uncles, or cousins.
- In America, the modified extended family is the norm. Newly married couples form a separate household from either set of parents, but keep close ties with their families of orientation.
For most of the world, the extended family is the norm. According to Kirabo Lukwago, (the director of Focus on the Family East Africa), in Swahili (the predominant language of that sub-region) the word for father and uncle is the same, and similarly, the word for mother and aunt is no different. In an article that appeared in Focus on the Family Magazine, Lukwago claims there is very little difference, in an African setting, between the nuclear family and the extended family. The good news about this is that it brings people together. The bad news is twofold.
- It makes it easy to run away from responsibilities. Both the father and mother have a tendency to leave children with grandparents, aunts, and uncles.
- Children are denied care they should get from the nuclear family.
Even though this article is written from East Africa, this definition of “family” is usually seen all across the continent.
THE NEED FOR A ROLE MODEL
Another problem with the omission of a nuclear family (that was not mentioned in this article) is the failure of children to have a proper role model.
· Little boys need the continuing presence of a godly father at home so they can learn how to be one some day.
· They learn about the proper care of a wife by watching their father as he serves as head of the family unit.
· They learn how to be men of character by watching their father and mother stand against worldly influence and live according to God’s Word, and not popular trends.
· Little girls need a daddy who is always available to give them the security and love they need.
· This enables them to choose a husband that loves God and knows how to lead his home as Christ loves and leads the church.
· A little girl needs her mother present to show her the proper role of a wife. Learning to cook, clean, wash and iron, take care of the home and nurture babies is necessary to prepare little girls for marriage.
· The main thing she needs is a mother that loves God and her father.
· A little girl also needs a mother who loves her enough to be sure she is warned against the worldly influences all around her.
· She needs a mother that will train her to resist giving herself lightly to worldly pleasures.
No matter the culture, children need both parents, working and praying together to provide a godly example. They need parental training and instruction to become godly men and women. Children can become what God intended them to be without parental guidance, but it is much more difficult for them, and usually comes after much heartache and trouble.
MORE PROBLEMS
One basic difference in families around the world is the number of spouses allowed. Every society has some rules (laws) that define and govern marriage and family. Monogamy (an exclusive relationship between two people) is the most common form of marriage and is the only one universally recognized (the accepted form of marriage in all societies). There are few places in the world, however, that consider monogamy as the only acceptable form of marriage—one spouse at a time (until death alone shall part them).
Different parts of the world practice polygamy, defined as:
· One man to more than one wife (polygyny);
· One woman to more than one man (polyandry).
One of the reasons Africans struggle to provide a secure family structure is that historically, many of their families were polygamous—usually one man with many wives and several sets of children. In most societies, this practice would be confined to men of wealth or high status (the best hunter, farmer with the most land), but in Africa, polygamy occurs many times if the wife fails to produce a male heir.
As explained by Kirabo Lukwago in the same Focus on the Family Magazine article, the tradition of polygamy leads to many problems.
· The husband keeps a different home for each wife.
· The father does not want to get too close to any one family unit, so he becomes the provider only.
· Children in this type of family structure grow up as though they were from a single-parent family.
Africa is not the only place where polygamy is a problem. Asia and Latin America also deal with the difficulties it brings.
For the most part, Africans keep the newlywed couples in the home or compound of the groom’s parents, and this causes still more trouble. Again, the children are the ones who struggle to determine the head of the home. Is it their father (whom they rarely see) or the owner of the place (such as their grandfather) who is near every day?
WHICH IS RIGHT?
With all of these different ideas and variations on the marriage theme, how do we determine the right way? As always, God has a plan. His plan was designed to bring peace and harmony into the lives of every family member—fathers, mothers, sons, and daughters.
Where do we find God’s plan? There is only one source of reference for God and His plan for the world—His Word. Please note here that all rules (laws) for family life should have their basis and support in the Bible. We are not trying to enforce any certain cultural norm, but God’s plan will work, no matter what the culture.
THE FIRST FAMILY
God began His plan by speaking the world into existence (Genesis 1). He created everything that is or ever has been, and He was careful to do it in the proper order so that all living things have what they need to grow and reproduce after their own kind (Genesis 1:11-12; 29-30).
The second chapter of Genesis tells how God made the first man, told him to name every living thing, and then put him to sleep to take a helper from his side. This man and woman were the mother and father of all humanity (Genesis 2:23).
But they were not content to only know good. They decided that it would be wonderful if they knew good and evil. Their disobedience brought sin and death into the world, and humanity has been suffering since that time (Genesis 3).
After they were forced to leave their garden home, they learned the hard way about toil and sweat. They also found out about the joys and sorrows of being parents (Genesis 4). With the first children came jealousy, strife, and murder.
THE CONTINUING PATTERN
It would be good if humanity had learned a lesson from this first family, but even today, the same pattern is repeated quite often. God planned something wonderful for men and women to enjoy, the family. But as the first man and woman did, humans often choose to do evil and the result is pain, suffering, sorrow, and death.
“And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. And out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof. And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him. And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed” (Genesis 2:18-25).
As God created the world we live in, He gave every living thing—even plants, flowers and trees—the ability to reproduce itself. As God made the animals, He gave them the ability to reproduce also. He then brought these living creatures to Adam (the first man) and told him to give them a name (Genesis 2: 19). As Adam was working on this project, he noticed something. Every other living creature (fowls, fish, cattle and creeping things) had two of a kind—alike yet different—a male and a female. He watched them, and knew that they came together to reproduce. But there was no living thing that matched Adam, and this made him lonely.
GOD’S SPECIFIC PLAN FOR FAMILIES
God had a plan, and it included a mate for Adam. He designed the first family with some important guidelines in mind.
“ . . . Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female. And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder” (Matthew 19:4-6).
· There is a distinct and special difference between males and females.
· A man should leave father and mother when he finds a wife.
· The man should cleave (draw very close, be joined in love and loyalty) to his wife.
· The man and woman are to become one flesh.
When followed in its fullness, this plan works.
· Since the Creator of men and women designed the plan, He also knew how differently they would think.
· He understood the weaknesses and strengths of both the male and female.
· His design was intended to make them both need (desire) each other and complement (complete or supply what is lacking in), one another.
· Only when joined as man and wife did they know each other (in the physical sense).
It was after Adam and Eve had chosen to know good and evil that God placed a curse on them, bringing sorrow, suffering, and death.
· He let Eve know that bringing children into the world was going to be a dangerous and painful experience—sending her into the valley of death (Genesis 3:16).
· In this same verse God mentioned the rule her husband would have over her. Until this time, she had been called a “helpmeet,” and “bone of his bone” and “flesh of his flesh.”
· Adam was told about the difficulty he would have providing for his wife and the children they would produce together (Genesis 3:17).
CONCLUSION
When we study Genesis chapters two and three, we see that God communed with Adam and Eve daily. As long as they obeyed God’s plan, they were not afraid to speak to Him.
When Eve listened to the serpent, she made a terrible choice, one that is still made daily. She chose to make up her own mind about what was good and evil, right and wrong, and not listen to what God had specifically told her. Any time a man uses his own judgment to decide something that has already been planned by God, he will reap the same harvest that Adam and Eve did—separation from God, and eventual death. Because of Adam and Eve’s foolish choice, we will probably never know all the good things God had in store for humanity, unless they are revealed to us in heaven.
We need to remind ourselves of one more important thing. Everything we do in life is a reflection of the Creator, because He made us in His image.
“So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created He him; male and female created he them” (Genesis 1:27).
A godly marriage that follows God’s plan will go a long way toward showing a clear reflection of God and His love for the world.
The foundation of all life is the family, and this is where the choice for evil usually begins. Those who forsake God’s plan by choosing their own way bring suffering and trouble on themselves and their children.
It does not have to be this way. We are created with the ability to choose. We can decide to follow God’s original plan and see what wonderful things He has in store for us.
“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end” (Jeremiah 29:11).
What Have You Learned?
1. What proves that Jesus came to earth the same as everyone else? ______________________________
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2. What are five (5) characteristics found just before the fall of an empire (nation)? _______________
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3. Most people of the world live in what type of family unit? __________________________________
4. Which form of marriage is recognized all over the world? ____________________________________
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What does this mean? __________________________
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5. What four (4) problems can be caused by polygamy? ____________________________________
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6. What was the choice Eve made when she listened to the serpent? __________________________
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7. What was the two-fold harvest reaped by Adam and Eve as a result of their sin? ___________________
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8. What does a good marriage show the world about God? ___________________________________
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NOTES
