Nine Secrets of Healthy Relationships

Lesson 9: Gentleness 

Galatians 5:22-23

22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,

23 Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.

 

In the rough and tumble world of our abrasive twenty-first century, gentleness is certainly no longer considered a virtue! Meekness is not exactly first on the list of character traits for those wanting to succeed in the business world! Humility gets trampled in the dust every day by the high achievers, who from the cradle learn to shove and push and scream and scramble just to pull ahead of the pack. These things may be okay for Sunday, but not Monday at the office!

 

In North America, we fiercely contend for our rights, believing that to be brazen and bold is best. Our society subscribes to the notion that, if no one else will blow my horn for me, I must blow it loud and long. We are completely convinced that unless we make a big splash in the world, we will be forgotten in the crowd.

 

From the hour we begin to take our first feeble, frightened steps as tiny tots, we are told to “stand on your own feet,” “be your own man” and “never let them see you cry!” Independence, aggressiveness, self-assertiveness and self-assurance are the attributes they tell us will lead to ultimate greatness and success.

 

In the face of all this, what a shock it is to hear the words of Jesus…

 

Matthew 18:4 Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven.

 

 

Matthew 23:11-12

11 But he that is greatest among you shall be your servant.

12 And whosoever shall exalt himself shall be abased; and he that shall humble himself shall be exalted.

 

So where does the truth lie? Who really has the secret of success? Do we adopt the view of contemporary culture or the rather unpleasant proposition of Jesus? I think you know the answer instinctively; it all depends on whose standard of “success” you want to adopt as the guiding principle of your life!

 

The King James Version calls this part of the Fruit of the Spirit “meekness,” while many of the new translations call it “gentleness.” The root word in the Greek language is “PRAOS” which the NIV translates into three different English words – meekness, humility and gentleness. It means “a disposition that is even tempered, mild, tranquil, unpretentious, and has its passions under control.”

 

Unfortunately, the word ‘meekness’ rhymes with ‘weakness’ and the two are synonymous in many people’s minds! Ironically, meekness in its true form is far from weakness, because to exhibit this trait requires unusual strength! The Greeks used the word “praos” to describe a wild animal that had been tamed for service.

 

Gentleness Is The Power Of Your Potential Under God’s Control. (without it, we’ll never be all God wants us to be)

 

Five Qualities of a Gentle Person  (P.O.W.E.R.)

 

(If we will put these things into practice in our lives, it will revolutionize the relationships that we are in, radically changing them for the good.  Gentle people can take a relationship that is weak or dying and resurrect it. They can take a healthy relationship and make it even more dynamic.)

 

 

P – PERSONALITY

 

Gentle people have their personalities under God’s control. Our personalities are made up of our character traits, which can make or break any relationship. What are some positive character traits that you like to see in other people? Things like honesty, humility, sense of humor, compassion. What are some negative character traits that you don’t like to see? Things like rudeness, temper, vindictiveness, stubbornness.

 

If we’re honest, we all have to admit that we have some character traits that need to have the rough edges smoothed off! Here’s some hope for us; Jesus’s three closest friends each had major character flaws and He didn’t give up on them! Peter, James and John were Jesus’s best friends; they were His inner circle.

 

Luke 9 and Mark 10 give us a good example of their faults …

 

Peter’s Arrogant Boasting in Mark 10:28 (after Jesus’ conversation with the rich young ruler)… “Lo, we have left all, and have followed thee.”

 

James and John’s Self-Promotion in Mark 10:37 (right after Jesus speaks of His coming crucifixion in Jerusalem!) … “Grant unto us that we may sit, one on thy right hand, and the other on thy left hand, in thy glory.”

 

Peter’s Impulsive Speaking in Luke 9:33 (on the Mount of Transfiguration)… “Master, it is good for us to be here: and let us make three tabernacles; one for thee, and one for Moses, and one for Elias.”

 

James and John’s Vindictiveness in Luke 9:54 (when the Samaritan village would not receive Jesus)… “Lord, wilt thou that we command fire to come down from heaven, and consume them, even as Elias did?”

 

No wonder Jesus said, “You people are stubborn and don’t have any faith! How much longer must I be with you? Why do I have to put up with you?” (Luke 9:41, CEV)

 

The same thing that enabled Jesus to stick it out with the disciples is exactly the same thing that we can utilize to help us in our relationships. It’s this: Jesus saw the power of their potential! And He knew that as they would give Him control over their personalities, as they would be realistic and honest about character defects, they could become powerful for the kingdom of God. And that’s exactly what happened if you look at history! Because Jesus didn’t give up!

 

Ephesians 3:20 Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us,

 

Gentle people are people who have allowed their personalities to be under God’s control. What do you need God to work on? Here’s the catch; God works within us when His Spirit fills us. We must have the Holy Ghost to produce the Fruit of the Spirit!

 

John 15:4 Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, except it abide in the vine; no more can ye, except ye abide in me.

 

O – OUTLOOK

 

As we allow the Holy Ghost to control our character traits, it has an incredible affect on our outlook, on how we see other people. How we see other people will determine two things:  (1) our attitudes toward them, and (2) our actions toward them.

 

When our outlook comes under God’s control, we suddenly begin to see others in a positive light and work for their benefit instead of merely our own.

 

 

Philippians 2:4-8

4 Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.

5 Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus:

6 Who, being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God:

7 But made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men:

8 And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross.

 

When your outlook comes under God’s control you all of a sudden start to become a little more understanding. Gentle people are understanding of the weaknesses and limitations of others.

 

2 Peter 1:6-7

6 And to knowledge temperance; and to temperance patience; and to patience godliness;

7 And to godliness brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness charity.

 

People whose outlook has remained outside of God’s control are very selfish people for the most part, and the number one way to destroy any relationship is to be selfish!

 

James 3:16 For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work.

 

W – WORDS

 

Every human being that is old enough to talk instinctively knows the power in words (that’s why we talk so much!). But words can either be devastatingly destructive or enormously encouraging.

 

 

James 3:6-8

6 And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity: so is the tongue among our members, that it defileth the whole body, and setteth on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire of hell.

7 For every kind of beasts, and of birds, and of serpents, and of things in the sea, is tamed, and hath been tamed of mankind:

8 But the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison.

 

Mike Murdock song:  The kindest word is an unkind word unsaid, The kindest letter is an unkind letter unread, Words unspoken leave hearts unbroken, The kindest word is an unkind word unsaid.

 

No human being can tame the tongue; that’s why we have to bring our words under God’s control. Do you know how God controls your words? He first tames your heart by filling it with His Spirit!

 

Luke 6:45 A good man out of the good treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is evil: for of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaketh.

 

Proverbs 15:4 A wholesome tongue is a tree of life: but perverseness therein is a breach in the spirit

 

Ephesians 4:29 Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.

 

Is each word that you say a gift? One of the characteristics of gentle people is that their words are under control. They think BEFORE they speak!

 

E – EXPECTATIONS

 

When someone disappoints you are you gentle or are you judgmental? Did you know that your response will determine the health of that relationship? (even in your relationship with God!)

 

When we mess up, God is not waiting for us with clenched fists, but with open arms! Just like the prodigal son; God wants us to run TO Him, not FROM Him! And that exactly what God expects us to act like with other people!

 

Ephesians 4:2 With all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love;

 

Remember in 1 Kings 19 when Elijah was sulking on the mountain after hearing that Queen Jezebel wanted to destroy him? He certainly hadn’t met God’s expectations for a bold prophet (especially after the miracle God did on Mount Carmel!). After all of his complaints, he probably expected God to kill Him in the wind, the earthquake, and the fire! But God was in the still small voice!

 

How about you? Are you a wind, an earthquake, or a fire that kills everyone? Or do you respond with gentleness when someone disappoints you? Gentle people don’t let their unmet expectations mess them up (even when they think God has let them down!).

 

R – RESPONSE

 

Have you ever thought about the word “responsible”? You could say it this way: RESPONSE – ABLE. Gentle people are able to control their responses in life. The way they respond is due to their internal DISPOSITION, not their external CONDITIONS.

 

“You make me so angry!” Is that statement true? No! You always choose your reaction to every circumstance! Your emotional life does not have to be built on the shaky foundation of the behavior and weaknesses of others! The Holy Ghost inside can produce it!

 

Proverbs 16:32 He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city.

 

In our relationship with God, our RESPONSE – ABILITY is crucial!

 

James 1:21 Wherefore lay apart all filthiness and superfluity of naughtiness, and receive with meekness the engrafted word, which is able to save your souls.

 

1 Peter 3:4 But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.

 

Only to GENTLE, MEEK and HUMBLE people does God give Himself freely. He draws near to those who draw near to Him. God, who is selfless love, can only be in harmony with the person who also is selfless enough to give control of their life to Him!

 

Psalm 34:18 The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit.

 

James 4:6 But he giveth more grace. Wherefore he saith, God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble.

 

God actually RESISTS those who are not submitted to Him! Instead of going through life HELPED by God, they are actually HINDERED by Him!

 

The wonderful news is that God has promised us that we can receive the Holy Ghost, and with it the Fruit of the Spirit… GENTLENESS!