I love ministry. I love preaching the Word of God. I love watching people grow, families restored, and lives changed by the power of the Holy Ghost.

There is no greater privilege than being called by God to care for His people.

But there is another side of ministry that few people see.

Sometimes, the people you love will hurt you.

• Someone you have prayed for will speak against you.

• Someone you have helped repeatedly will accuse you of never being there for them.

• Someone whose family you stood beside during a crisis will question your motives.

• Someone you defended may turn around and attack you.

• Someone you trusted may undermine your authority and attempt to damage the church you have given your life to build.

That hurts.

It knocks me back a step when someone I have bent over backward to help lies about me or, without a word of gratitude, throws everything I have done for them back in my face.

Pastors are human.

• We feel betrayal.

• We experience disappointment.

• We know what it is to be wounded by the very people we were trying to help.

That is where the pastoral paradox begins.

A Direct Hit in the Chops

One thing they never taught us in Bible college was how to take a direct hit in the chops and keep smiling.

Don’t you just love getting bawled out by someone in your office ten minutes before service?

Someone walks into your office upset. They unload their anger, accuse you of not caring, question your leadership, and tell you everything they believe you are doing wrong.

Then they walk out.

In a few minutes, you must leave that office, step onto the platform, look across the congregation, and preach faith, hope, and love.

The person who just bawled you out may be sitting right there.

• You cannot climb into the pulpit and retaliate.

• You cannot preach an entire sermon at one person.

• You cannot allow everyone else in the church to be punished because of what happened in your office.

Instead:

• You must smile.

• You must worship.

• You must lead.

• You must preach.

• You must reach for hurting people while quietly carrying your own hurt.

It is not easy to preach a positive message after an encounter like that.

But we do it anyway!

Why?

Because that is who we are.

Because that is what we do.

Because we are ministers.

• We do good when people hurt us.

• We extend our hands to people who have pushed us away.

• We encourage others when we need encouragement ourselves.

• We preach faith while fighting our own private battles.

• We keep loving people even after people have wounded us.

What a paradox!

Where Else Does This Happen?

Think about it:

• How many doctors would continue treating a patient who was actively trying to destroy their medical practice?

• How many business executives would keep an employee who continually lied about them, undermined their authority, and worked against the success of the company?

• How many employers would retain someone who openly resisted their leadership and attempted to turn other employees against them?

Not many.

Not for very long, anyway.

Yet pastors regularly stand before people who have done these very things and preach to them about the love of God.

• We extend a hand to them when they walk through the church door.

• We hug them when we see that they are hurting.

• We pray for their children.

• We visit them in the hospital.

• We respond when their family faces a crisis.

• We rejoice when God blesses them.

• We still want to see them saved.

That is the paradox of ministry.

• A person may openly resist a pastor’s leadership, but when that person’s marriage begins to fall apart, the pastor will try to help save it.

• A person may spread an accusation, but when that person receives a frightening medical report, the pastor will pray with them.

• A person may attempt to divide the church, but when their child is in trouble, the pastor will lose sleep over that child.

• A person may walk away declaring that the pastor never cared, while that same pastor continues praying for them long after they have gone.

Why?

Because we are ministers.

There is something within a true shepherd that cannot simply stop caring.

Ministry Is Personal

The pain of ministry is real because ministry is personal.

We do not work with machinery, merchandise, or figures on a financial report. We work with souls.

We enter people’s lives during their most vulnerable moments.

• We are there when their babies are born.

• We are there when their loved ones die.

• We stand with them when their marriages are in trouble.

• We pray with them when their children wander from God.

• We visit them when they are sick.

• We help them when they have nowhere else to turn.

• We believe in them when they have stopped believing in themselves.

We do not merely give people our time. We give them a portion of our hearts.

That is why betrayal in ministry cuts so deeply.

If a stranger criticizes you, you may be able to dismiss it. When the criticism comes from someone you have loved, served, defended, and carried, it is different.

David understood that kind of pain:

“For it was not an enemy that reproached me; then I could have borne it… But it was thou, a man mine equal, my guide, and mine acquaintance.”

—Psalm 55:12–13

David was saying, “If an enemy had done this, I could have handled it. What made it so painful was that it came from someone close to me.”

Pastors understand that.

The hardest wounds do not normally come from outside the church. They come from people who:

• Sat at our tables.

• Rode in our cars.

• Shared our confidence.

• Assured us that they would always stand beside us.

• Once told us how much they loved and appreciated us.

Then something changed.

Now we must decide what we are going to do with the wound.

The Minister Must Still Minister

A pastor does not have the luxury of allowing every personal injury to become a public battle.

Sunday is still coming.

• The hospital telephone may still ring.

• A family may still need you to conduct a funeral.

• A young minister may still need encouragement.

• A troubled marriage may still need counsel.

• A visitor may walk through the church doors desperately hoping to hear a word from God.

The people sitting in front of you may know nothing about the blow you took before service. They came carrying burdens of their own.

So, you stand up and minister.

Paul described this tension:

“We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed.”

—2 Corinthians 4:8–9

Paul did not say the trouble was imaginary.

• He did not say a minister would never feel perplexed.

• He did not say we would never experience persecution.

• He did not say we could never be knocked down.

• He said we would not be destroyed.

That is ministry.

• We can be wounded without becoming bitter.

• We can be disappointed without becoming cynical.

• We can be knocked down without remaining down.

• We can be treated wrongly without returning evil for evil.

• We can hurt and still allow God to use us to heal someone else.

Our feelings are real, but they cannot be allowed to control the pulpit.

Do Not Bleed on the People You Are Called to Feed

One of the greatest dangers of pastoral hurt is allowing what one person did to affect the way we minister to everyone else.

A wounded pastor can begin to change.

• He can become suspicious of everybody.

• He can begin questioning every motive.

• He can withdraw his heart from the people.

• He can use the pulpit to answer private criticism.

• He can preach at one person while the entire congregation is forced to listen.

• He can make innocent people pay for the actions of someone else.

Pastor, take your wound to God before you take it to the pulpit.

• Pray until your spirit is right.

• Talk with a trusted spiritual leader.

• Allow the Holy Ghost to search your heart.

• Ask God to keep the wound from becoming bitterness.

• Wait until your emotions are under control before addressing the situation publicly.

You may need to confront the person.

You may need to correct the situation.

You may need to establish boundaries.

But the congregation should not have to pay for what one individual did to you.

The pulpit is not a weapon for personal revenge.

Our responsibility is still to feed the flock.

Love Does Not Mean We Ignore Destructive Behavior

Being a minister does not mean allowing someone to destroy the church.

A shepherd loves the sheep, but a shepherd also protects the flock.

• There are times when a person must be confronted.

• There are times when someone must be removed from leadership.

• There are times when a pastor must refuse to permit continued division, dishonesty, or abuse.

• There are times when allowing a person to leave is healthier than allowing that person to continue damaging everyone around them.

Forgiveness does not always mean restored trust.

• You can forgive someone and still establish a boundary.

• You can love someone without allowing them to control you.

• You can pray for someone while refusing to give them another opportunity to hurt the church.

• You can release bitterness without restoring the same level of access.

• You can sincerely desire someone’s restoration without immediately returning them to leadership.

We are called to love people. We are not called to help them destroy themselves, the pastor, or the congregation.

Yet even when correction becomes necessary, the heart of a pastor still hurts.

• We may know the boundary is right and still grieve over the person.

• We may know someone cannot remain in leadership and still pray for their restoration.

• We may understand that a person has chosen to leave and still watch the door, hoping they will someday return with a right spirit.

• We may recognize that trust has been broken and still remember the person we once believed they could become.

There it is again.

The pastoral paradox.

Carrying What Other People Never See

I once read that pastors were among the professions most vulnerable to heart attacks. I cannot verify where that ranking came from, and statistics like that change depending upon the study.

But I understand why pastors would believe it.

• We carry people’s problems.

• We worry.

• We care.

• We become involved.

• We are concerned.

• We feel responsible for people who may not feel responsible for themselves.

Most people never see everything their pastor carries.

• They do not see the late-night telephone calls.

• They do not know how many times a pastor lies awake thinking about their family.

• They do not know how many personal plans were changed because someone needed help.

• They do not see the private tears.

• They do not know how often a pastor gives from his own pocket.

• They do not know how many accusations he chose not to answer.

• They do not know how many times he protected someone’s reputation while that person was damaging his.

• They do not know how often he carried confidential information that he could not share with anyone else.

People often see the sermon, but they do not see the burden behind it.

• They see the pastor standing on Sunday, but they do not see him kneeling on Monday.

• They hear the words he preaches, but they do not hear the prayers he prays when no one else is present.

• They see him encouraging others, but they do not know when he needs encouragement himself.

• They see him carrying their burdens, but they may never ask who is helping him carry his.

That is all right. We did not enter ministry to receive applause.

But pastors must remember that carrying burdens does not mean carrying them alone.

“Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ.”

—Galatians 6:2

We carry burdens to Jesus. We do not carry them instead of Jesus.

• There are problems we cannot solve.

• There are people we cannot change.

• There are choices we cannot make for someone else.

• There are consequences we cannot continually prevent.

• There are burdens we must place in the hands of God.

Pastor, you are a shepherd, but you are not the Savior.

When No One Seems to Understand

People may never fully understand the sacrifices a minister makes.

• They may not realize what it costs to remain available.

• They may not understand what it feels like to lead people who question nearly every decision.

• They may never know what you gave up so the church could move forward.

• They may not recognize how often your family shared you with other people.

• They may never understand the emotional cost of caring deeply about souls.

Sometimes the person receiving the greatest benefit from your ministry will show the least appreciation for it.

That can create resentment if we are not careful.

We can begin thinking:

• No one understands.

• No one appreciates me.

• No one knows what this is costing.

• No one cares about the pastor.

• No one gives as much as I give.

The pain behind those thoughts may be real, but we cannot live there.

God sees what people overlook.

“For God is not unrighteous to forget your work and labour of love, which ye have shewed toward his name.”

—Hebrews 6:10

God remembers.

• God remembers every prayer.

• God sees every sacrifice.

• God knows every time you chose mercy when you could have retaliated.

• God witnessed every moment you stood behind the pulpit with a wounded heart and still preached hope to His people.

• God knows every burden you carried that you could never discuss publicly.

• God sees every act of ministry that no one remembered to thank you for.

Your labor is not forgotten simply because people do not understand its cost.

Do Not Forget the Faithful People

Pain has a way of magnifying the person who wounded us.

• One critic can become louder in our minds than one hundred faithful saints.

• One accusation can overshadow years of encouragement.

• One betrayal can cause us to question everyone.

• One painful departure can make us forget all those who remained.

Pastor, look around again.

• There are people who love you.

• There are people who pray for you.

• There are people who believe in the vision God has given you.

• There are people who would stand beside you if they knew you were hurting.

• There are families whose lives are better because you answered the call of God.

• There are young ministers growing because you made room for them.

• There are people who found hope because you were present during the darkest moment of their lives.

• There are people who may not know how to express their gratitude but sincerely thank God for you.

Do not allow one painful person to hide all the faithful people.

Do not allow the actions of a few to make you withdraw your heart from everyone.

The enemy would love to make a shepherd afraid of the sheep.

• Remain tender.

• Remain wise.

• Remain prayerful.

• Remain faithful.

What a Paradox!

The people who hurt us may still need us.

• The person who resists our leadership may still call when tragedy comes.

• The person who criticizes our preaching may still ask us to pray when the doctor gives them bad news.

• The person who questions whether we care may never know how many nights we lost sleep over their family.

• The person who tried to undermine us may still reach for our hand when their world begins falling apart.

• The person who walked away may still be someone we hope to see restored.

And when they call, something in us still responds.

• We still pray.

• We still care.

• We still reach.

• We still hope.

• We still want God to bless them.

• We still want to see them saved.

Why?

Because we are ministers.

• We love because Christ first loved us.

• We forgive because Christ forgave us.

• We serve because Christ took upon Himself the form of a servant.

• We endure because Christ endured for us.

• We offer grace because we have received grace.

Does it hurt? Absolutely.

Are there days when we feel like walking away? Certainly.

Are there times when we must establish boundaries and protect the church? Without question.

But after:

• The hurt.

• The disappointment.

• The sleepless nights.

• The false accusations.

• The broken confidence.

• The direct hits in the chops.

Something within us still wants to help people find their way to Jesus.

That is who we are.

That is what we do.

We are ministers.

What a paradox!

Related Resources

• The Weight of the Chair — Encouragement for pastors carrying the unseen weight of leadership.

• The Myth of the Invincible Leader — A reminder that strong leaders still need encouragement, accountability, and help.

• Just Don’t Quit! — Encouragement for continuing faithfully through difficult seasons.

• Visit PastoralHelps.com for books and practical resources created to strengthen pastors and church leaders.

• Learn how you can help care for orphaned and at-risk children in India through OpportunityHope.org.

About Pastor James Smith

Pastor James Smith of Valparaiso, Indiana, is the founder of PreachIt.org, OpportunityHope.org, and PastoralHelps.com.

For more than two decades, he has equipped pastors and church leaders with sermon resources, practical leadership training, and encouragement for the challenges of ministry. His writing grows out of a burden to help pastors lead with wisdom, remain faithful to their calling, and develop healthy, growing churches.

Through OpportunityHope, Pastor Smith also helps care for orphaned and at-risk children in West Bengal, India. The ministry provides food, shelter, education, clean-water wells, livestock, and other practical assistance to children, families, pastors, and communities in need.

Books and practical ministry-training resources, including Momentum in Ministry, are available through PastoralHelps.com.